Great expectations…

So throughout my pregnancy I was told I’d have to try for a natural birth. This was sold to me on the promise that recovery time would be quicker etc. Whilst I didn’t expect to be back smashing circuits, lifting weights, doing burpees etc I did have in my head by now I would be able to go on long walks with the pram and at least start to shift this baby weight.

But a CSection has spannered that. I can deal with leaving it longer to get back in the gym, I’m ok with that. I know I had major surgery and it will take a good few months to be able to be doing sumo squats etc But it is doing my head in not being able to go on walks with the pram.  I look and see other women out pushing their prams, enjoying the fresh air and I feel like I am stuck indoors most of the day (and before you start, sitting in the garden isn’t the same!)

Today the health visitor came to weigh the smallest Stokes. (He is gaining weight and is a right  chunky monkey now!) and we spent a long time talking about how I felt about my failed breastfeeding attempt and how I felt about my fitness etc She said that I need to not be so hard on myself and possibly not have such high expectations and then be down when I don’t meet them.

And that’s the thing. I know she is right, but it is hard. I’m fed up of shop assistants asking me when the baby is due (he’s 4 weeks old!) But more than that I just want to be out and about doing normal things.

H x

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Don’t push the pram for 6 weeks…

So when you have a CSection you are met with a whole load of post birth restrictions.

  • Don’t drive for 6 weeks
  • Lift nothing heavier than your baby (hilarious given that Alexander was a hefty weight and is packing away his milk like no tomorrow! It’s like having my own personal little kettlebell!)
  • Don’t do too much
  • But equally keep moving
  • Don’t push the pram for 6 weeks

Don’t push the pram for 6 whole weeks. Well tomorrow Alexander is 3 weeks old and I have been pushing the pram and in fact today I pushed the pram to Imogen’s school and back. Whilst I wouldn’t normally advocate going against medical advice, sometimes you just have to play it by ear and judge how you feel (even my midwife said that!)

So having had a few test runs I did the school pick up on my own. Lollipop Lyn commented that I was on my own today and doing well. It felt ok.  I’ve felt knackered since I got back and not exactly sore but I know I did some walking.

What worries me though is how bloody knackered I felt whilst walking. The distance was not far (0.3 miles to school, so just over half a mile round trip) and I wasn’t going particularly fast but I felt overweight, lethargic, slightly out of breath. It got me thinking, at some point I will be getting back in to fitness (not yet, I am nowhere near ready) but it will happen at some point and at the moment the thought bloody terrifies me!

The thought of starting all over again, going through that whole load of pain, emotional and physical that I went through before scares me. At the moment I don’t feel mentally strong enough to do it all again. I am hoping this is 3 weeks post birth, hormones all over the place talking and by the time I’m ready to start again I’ll be in a better head space because at the moment I can not visualise me exercising, ever! I feel like I did back in April 2013, lacking in confidence and self belief.

And I know there will be people reading this thinking “For christ sake woman you’ve only just had a baby..” but it is bothering me, a lot.

H x

Newborns, eating clean and exercise…

So I haven’t posted for a while. Mainly because I didn’t have much to post about in the old exercise & eating clean/paleo department. The last week in August descended in to a “eat as many carbs as you possibly can” type scenario. On Sunday 31st August I went swimming and managed 40 lengths in the pool as it was so quiet. What I didn’t realise was that was to be my last exercise session before the arrival!

On 2nd September (1 day before my due date) my waters broke at 2.30am in the morning. It was a very different scenario to the birth of my daughter. My waters broke, I had a lot of pain in my back but I was very calm. I called my friends Hannah and Tom at 3am (god bless them!) and they came to sit in the house with Imogen. My OH and I went to hospital to get get me checked over, I fully expected to be told to go home, rest, take paracetamol etc and wait it out. But surprisingly they kept me in (even though I was only 2cm (I only got to 2cm when I was in labour with Imogen!))

My contractions then ramped up really quickly, all in my back! So I was glad to have my frozen tennis ball so OH could roll it round on my back (Drill a hole in a tennis ball, fill with water, seal (OH used some kind of bike tyre glue I think) then freeze. Then get someone to massage your back with it, utterly brilliant pain relief!!) I had sterile water injections (VILE! did not help either!) Then I has a shot of diamorphine, which helped. I tried some meditation which honestly helped and I tried my straw breathing too. I got to 4cm (further than last time).

Then they moved me to labour suite and I had gas & air and an epidural pretty quickly (gutted! had been determined not to have one this time!) but the pain in my back was excruciating, I got to 7cm and kept wanting to push even though the midwife said I was nowhere near ready. I kept dilating and got to 9cm, I thought I was odds on for the magic VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) but at 9cm a doctor came to check me (mainly because I stopped dilating at 9cm) and decided the baby was way too high and in an awkward position, there was no way this baby was coming out naturally and we went straight to CSection, so after 17 hours of absolute agony, including a lot of swearing (which 1 midwife got offended by which I’m not being funny but my birth I’ll swear if I damn well like!) and begging for a Csection I fell at the final hurdle. TBH I had a feeling it would go that way and I’m annoyed at myself for not trusting my instinct and insisted on an elective Csection months ago.

Anyway at 8.35pm on 2nd September Alexander Archie was born weighing a hefty 9lb 3 (Although not as big as I thought it he might be!)

me and A

Recovery wise from the actual Csection I’m feeling ok, I’m sure keeping exercising helped. But I am experiencing a lot of other post-op symptoms that are really getting me down mentally. Food has become even more important. I am trying to eat as clean as possible. I am making use of my slow cooker to put things in for dinner that are clean while Alexander sleeps after a feed.

I am really struggling mentally with not doing much exercise. Csections take a fair while to recover from and the earliest I could potentially start exercising again is 6 weeks, but with the op etc I don’t think I’ll be back to doing what I was doing before this side of Christmas. I’ll be honest, it is driving me mental. Obviously I want to get my fitness back up but I feel like I am cooped up in the house and I get no mental break, I get no time to myself. I can’t drive, I can just about walk to Imogen’s school (0.3 miles away, hardly the biggest distance) and back and that is it! I’m not even allowed to push the pram for 6 weeks (yeah like I’ll wait that long!)

I’m not daft, I know I need to play the long game, but it is driving me nuts. Mentally I feel I want to get back in to it, but physically I am a good few weeks, even months away 😦

H x