Feeling rage…

Today the following things have royally pissed me off.

1) Going in to the gym shop to try and buy swimwear but discovering they don’t stock your size. FFS fat people need sports attire too! Surely sports shops should be encouraging overweight people to exercise, not putting barriers in the way.

2) People who take their kids swimming at the gym and then dick about, taking up vast amounts of the pool making it impossible to swim.

3) People who congregate at the end of the swimming pool, getting in your way whilst you try to swim. Feck off and go to a coffee shop!

4) “Serious swimmers” at the gym who look at you with disgust when you are going fairly slow. Er hello, Csection 8 weeks ago, I might be overweight but I’m working on it. You love, will always be a cockwomble!

5) Cold showers in the gym that lack water pressure. For the love of god you make a fortune out of membership fees, fix the bastard showers!


H x


New beginnings…

Last week (7 weeks postpartum) I attempted my first bit of “exercise” since 31st August (39+4 weeks pregnant). I say “exercise” because I have been walking Imogen to school and back most days and we have been for a walk in the woods etc but this was the first bout of exercise for exercise sake.

I started off with swimming. At 7 weeks post Csection I am no way near ready for the level of exercise I was doing with my PT before I got pregnant.

I thought I’d play it by ear and see how much I felt I could manage. I managed 16 lengths of a 20m pool in 15 mins. It was slow, my joints were stiff, particularly my shoulders, I lacked energy and it just felt bloody hard. But I figured I needed to start somewhere and this is way more than I managed after Imogen (after Imogen was born I didn’t exercise for 3 & 1/2 years, not that I really exercised prior to that!)

Not going to lie the same emotions from April 2013 came back and slapped me in the face. The self-conscious, everyone is looking at me, I don’t belong here feelings. The difference this time is I was able to push them back down, I know I can do this. It won’t be easy or particularly pretty but I know I can push myself beyond what I thought possible, I can push through pain, I can push past the “I can’t” feelings and I am open to trying.

Today I have been for my 2nd swim. My aim today, again was to see how I got on. I swam 20 lengths of a 20m pool and pushed myself a little harder. It took 24 mins (I got a stitch (exercise related transient abdominal pain if you want to give it its proper name!) half way through, how do you deal with a stitch, do you carry on or have a rest, I can never remember!)

I found front crawl and backstroke seem to up my heart rate a lot. That familiar feeling of being so out of breath you think you might vomit or die appeared half way through and after my 20 lengths I was knackered. It concerns me that I am so unfit again. (yes the weight gain and the way I look troubles me, but the fitness troubles me more!) I know it’ll come back but how could I have let myself get back to this?

Tomorrow I have my post-natal check up. If my doc gives me the go ahead to get back on the circuits I’m on it, BUT I suspect she will suggest I leave that till at least 12 weeks postpartum. So realistically I think I’m looking at swimming a few times a week with a view to starting back with my PT after Christmas. Hopefully by then his Lordship will be sleeping better (Alexander, not my PT) and I’ll be in a position to focus. (assuming my PT is ok with this idea!)

It will take me a while to get past the nerves again I think but I am literally gagging to get back to it! Who’d have thought!

So here we go. Here are my starting points (takes a deep breath)


NB: I have debated about putting these pics on but one of the best ways I find to motivate myself is to force myself to take a good look. It is too easy to hide behind an instagram selfie and convince myself I’ve not got a problem (taking a pic from above and adding a filter can do wonders!) but I need to be honest or there is no point, so here it is, my big, massive slap in the face *cringe*


Weight: 15 st 13 (Holy fucking shit!)
Bust: 117 cm
Chest: 112 cm
Waist:126 cm
Hips: 126 cm
Thigh: 65 cm

I’ll update this regularly and see how I’ve got on. Must remember to eat better and drink more water too!

H x



What’s my goal?

So when I initially started on this journey my main goal was to lose enough weight to get pregnant.

Goal achieved!
Goal achieved!

As you can see, goal achieved!

So where does that leave me now?

Initially when I started I thought once I’d got pregnant I could jack in the gym and “go back to normal”, but I didn’t bank on enjoying fitness so much. Gradually I came to realise that I was concerned that once I did have a baby I’d struggle to enjoy fitness again, I had momentum and I knew a pregnancy and subsequent baby would affect that momentum.

It’s fair to say my fitness and rigorous healthy eating has been on a bit of a hiatus since I was 34 weeks pregnant. I am feeling very self conscious, very unconfident and very unfit! BUT I am feeling reassured that my continual frustration and not being physically able to exercise to the level I had got to is a good sign, a good sign that I will pick it up again.

Jason meets Alexander, the result of all that training! haha
Jason meets Alexander, the result of all that training! hahaa

So after a good catch up with my personal trainer Jason today, I got to thinking what is my goal this time, what is my motivation, what will I use to focus on to spur me on, especially on the days when it is hard going and I want to jack it in and eat cake (and I am under no illusion that I will have those days, probably quite frequently in the first few months) It was easy last time, I had a tangible goal, but as much as I love Imogen & Alexander, I have no intention of having a 3rd child, no way!

I think my motivation this time isn’t weight loss, it is fitness. I feel unfit, and I don’t like it one bit. I am getting out of breath far too easily and my asthma has made a reappearance again.  It doesn’t take a genius to work out that fat loss will be a happy bi-product of fitness but it isn’t my main focus this time and it is very easy to become obsessed with weight and the way you look (guilty as charged!). But now I just want to be fit so that by the time Alexander is begging to go to soft-play I won’t be making excuses as to why we can’t go (when the reality is I want to avoid feeling unfit!) I want to be able to do the school run without getting out of breath, I want to take Imogen and Alexander for long walks in the woods and keep up with them without feeling knackered.

So at the risk of sounding like a Shane Ward song, that’s my goal, fitness. This feels like a healthier goal mentally than just weight loss on its own. Bring it on.

H x

Spanish style scrambled eggs

A quick and easy breakfast or lunch. The amount of ingredients you add is entirely up to you and probably dependent on how hungry you are!


More accomplished cooks would probably make this as an omelette but I suck at making omelettes so I make this as scrambled eggs!


  • Eggs
  • Chorizo
  • Onion (I used Echalion Shallots because I find them softer in flavour than normal onions, bigger than shallots and because of their shape easier to chop. Plus they don’t make me cry!)
  • Courgette
  • Mushrooms
  • Red Pepper
  • Fresh ground peppper
  • NB You could probably use whatever veges you have in your fridge!)


  1. Chop your chorizo and gently fry in a frying pan, do this till it is cooked through (I don’t use oil in the pan as the chorizo leaks its own oil which gives the eggs a lovely orange colour)
  2. While the chorizo is cooking chop all your veges.
  3. Once the chorizo is cooked add your veges to your frying pan with the choirzo and cook until your veges are cooked how you like them (this took about 6 mins)
  4. While the veges are cooking whisk your eggs and add freshly ground pepper
  5. Once your veges are cooked add your eggs and scramble over a low heat until they are cooked through.

You could put this in a wholegrain wrap. It wouldn’t be overly paleo but it would be nice as a treat 🙂

H x