Ok I’ve ummed and ahhd a lot about writing this post. You see, to write this post is to admit that things haven’t entirely gone to plan recently (that is the world’s biggest understatement!)

See 3 years ago, I was on it. I was eating clean, in the gym 5 times a week, sometimes 6. I was smashing it. I was fit, healthy, I had goals, I was focussed and whilst it was far from easy I was enjoying what I was doing, I had no intention of going back.

Fast forward 3 years and here I am back at square one. I could quite easily describe this as a failure (more like a massive fuck up). I’ve put on all the weight I’ve lost, I’ve returned to virtually no exercise and my eating habits are at best terrible, if not diabolical.

I’ll be honest I am worried, in the back of my brain is “what if I go through all that again, then return to this and it is an ongoing cycle?”

But, that said, I am a great believer that good fitness and good nutrition only happens when you are truly ready. I can’t tell you why the last 2 years since Alexander was born I’ve not been ready, I mean I could give you a billion reasons but all sound like lame excuses, I mean its just a case of (wo)manning up right? I wish it was. For whatever reason the last 2 years has not been my time. There have been occasions where I’ve thought it was the right time, but deep down I knew it wasn’t.

Last week I was part of a charity challenge at work. Between us we had to swim the equivalent of the English Channel in our PJs , 2000m each. I’ll admit, I was thinking of ways to skip it (dodgy knee, dodgy wrist) because I was daunted about how unfit I was and whether I’d actually be able to complete my 2000m. I mean surely not even starting would be less embarrassing than starting and then admitting you weren’t up to it?

(We completed our challenge btw, I completed my 2000m, if you’d like to donate then visit this page )

But I realised 2 things

1) I am unfit, but if I can just get past the mental block I seem to have then I can do whatever I want.
2) Now is the time to crack on, I can’t keep making excuses.

The second thing that has happened. This weekend my lovely friend Hannah has completed a Monster Race (thing cold muddy wet obstacle course!) to raise money for the brain tumour charity. Hannah has her own amazing story and you can check it out and donate here

She is an amazing inspiration. She has been dealt a blow by life and after a wobble, she has taken the bull by the horns and is smashing her goals. She makes me feel embarrassed for myself because actually she is doing what I was once doing, yet I have somehow I have gone well and truly off the boil, stone cold in fact.

So I have  decided enough is enough. I am done having my wobble. Now is time to sort myself out. I’ve got a plan of action until Christmas, then I can re-evaluate.

I’ve also set a goal, just a small one. But I think half my problem is I’ve been too focussed on losing baby & postnatal weight. I need something more tangible. So I am saying here now, this time next year I want to complete a 5k Poppy run. It isn’t a huge distance but it is something for me to aim for.

Lets do this.

H x


2 thoughts on “Failure…

  1. Good on you, Helen! I looked you up just now, because you and your family were in one of my dreams last night- So good to see you back again…Hope good thoughts can help you to keep up the momentum…

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