It has been a long time coming but today is the first day since before I found out I was pregnant in December 2013 where I have felt I have made any kind of progress.

“We need to up the reps”, “we need to increase the weight”, “get hold of a 20kg kettlebell” were all phrases uttered in my session today and it felt gooooood!

I felt absolutely shocking this morning (lack of sleep thanks to a poorly boy), I felt like I’d been out on the lash but with non of the fun! So I wasn’t expecting a great deal but we tried new things, I did more reps, I felt focussed. I’m pretty much sorted with my swings, so we’re looking at single arm swings, I’m getting the hand of the kettlebell ‘clean’ (this does not involve polishing ones kettlebells!), bent over rows are gonna take a little more work but thats ok. Finally I am moving forward and I am about at the point I was last time in terms of weights I can fling about. (just need my waistline to catch up!) but I think that is finally begining to happen (slowly!)

There have been days, weeks and even months where I have been doubting that I could get anywhere close to where I was last time but I “think” it is finally coming together.

I’m excited for the future!

H x


You’ve got the fear…

So tonight I have my outdoor training session, away from the house. Not my normal day, normally I would have this session on a Wednesday but I’ve had to swap to today this week. Saturday and yesterday I was totally up for this session. But the closer this session gets the bigger the sense of fear and foreboding.

I can’t put my finger on why. I know that once I get in to the session itself I’ll love it, I know the high I’ll get from it will be awesome. But still I am fearful of these outdoor sessions.

I’m told by my coach/PT/Yoda whatever you want to call him that fear & anxiety is normal and should be embraced. If you do things out of your comfort zone then the things that were once an issue become insignificant and not the problems you once thought they were.

I quite often get people say to me, “I couldn’t do what you do, I would hate it, I wouldn’t enjoy it, I would be scared” etc. and what I would say is yes I do love what I do (once I’m there), but Christ sometimes it takes a fair bit of willpower to even go to the sessions. Some times you have to ignore the fear and take a bit of a leap of faith that it’ll all be ok.

And in the words of Ian Brown:

“Forget everything and remember
For everything, a reason”

H x

Training outdoors is hard. Fact.

So nearly 3 years ago I started on this fitness “journey” (yeah sorry!) I stumbled in to a shiny gym in the middle of Barnsley, signed myself up with the intention of “just swimming”, met a superstar PT (who now would say he isn’t a PT, not sure what to refer to him as? Coach? Guru? Yoda? Ahem I digress) , got a bit addicted to lifting heavy shit, lost loads of weight, got fit, got healthy, got pregnant, got super stressed, had baby, got even more stressed, packed the weight on, added some more stress by moving house  and finally I’m just about out of the dark side and am getting back to training.

Except as I’ve told you before this time is different. For one, the training is outdoors. Yep literally in the cold, wet, muddy outdoors. And I’ll tell you something, that is  1 million times harder to motivate yourself.

You see the gym is shiny, temperature regulated luxury and you go, do your thing, whether that’s circuits, weights, weird machines, or some kind of class, then you go for a little swim, you maybe go in the jacuzzi then the sauna, you then have a bolting hot shower (if the showers are working properly), then you dry your hair with a hair dryer, maybe straighten it, pop your make up on, maybe have a little chill out with a coffee in the cafe etc etc

But outdoors is different. The temperature can be whatever the hell it likes (for the record I much prefer winter outdoors training, than summer when its hot and sunny LOL), its uncomfortable, its muddy, it’s slippy, the ground is uneven (lunges are so much harder on uneven ground!). It is just so much harder to motivate yourself. BUT the pay off is amazing. Weirdly despite all the ‘uncomfortableness’ I feel a zillion times better for being outside. It must be the greenery and fresh air or something, but it is a lot more refreshing. I don’t feel as groggy after I train.

But yes, it takes a lot more focus to get my bum outside and doing my stuff.

H x

Breakfast Stuffed Peppers

It has been a while since I have posted any recipes. But nutrition to me is hugely important at the moment. My little man, Alexander has had a stomach bug for 3 weeks(! Not even joking!) and so training has been sporadic at best, non existent this last week as we deal with endless laundry and waking 5 billion times a night. So I have been trying to concentrate on getting the nutrition right. Not always easy (major slip yesterday) but better than it was for sure.

So here is a recipe I tried after a recommendation from my training buddy Amanda.

It is pretty easy to make. I quartered the recipe and just made one.

It was really tasty. You could even experiment with different spices e.g. chilli powder or smoked paprika.

H xx

Crochet Mood Blanket…


What has crochet got to do with fitness?

Last year, I taught myself to crochet (with a lot of help from turns out crochet is good for calming down when you are stressed (a bit like fitness!)

So this year I have decided to crochet a mood blanket. Basically you select a number of balls of yarn, associate a mood with each colour and then you crochet coloured squares depending on your mood, the idea being that at the end of the year you have a blanket that reflects your moods. You can do a square a day (beyond me atm LOL) or  square a week. You make a blanket from squares (granny squares are my square of choice) or rows so each square is a colour reflecting your mood or each row.

So I’ve decided 1 square a day is too much crochet commitment for me but 1 square a week is not enough, so I’ve gone for 2 times a week.

My first square last Saturday was RED, angry (not a great start to the year!) but my square for Wednesday and today are PINK for happy! (well they will be when I have finished this blog post and sat down to crochet them!) It is no coincidence my 2 happy squares have come on days I’ve trained. I’ve had 2 really great training sessions in a row, I’m feeling awesome and more like where I left off 2 years ago.Training leaves me buzzing to the point I just want everyone to do it, just feel the absolute high you get from it.

Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t easy, especially hauling your ass out of bed at 6am on a Saturday so you can fling kettlebells round the garden at 7am with your PT. But the sense of achievement and the high it gives you afterwards is incredible!

Maybe at my 90 day check in, I’ll show you my progress, of my fitness and my mood blanket, at this rate the blanket is gonna be predominantly pink!

H x


It’s perfectly acceptable…

… to wear your your Christmas pyjamas in January because I bought a size 20. And this time next year I won’t be a size 20. So I need to get the use out of them while I can!  

In fact, this week I have finally bitten the bullet and filled in my outcome  form for my PT Jason. He’s only been asking for it for about 2 months but I wasn’t ready to commit on paper, once you write it down you’ve gotta follow through,but I’m ready now.

The outcome form involves looking at what I want to achieve. I’ve said in the first instance I want to be consistently in size 18 clothes. These jarmies are size 20 but if I’m honest I coulda done with a 22. So essentially I wanna drop 2 dress sizes in 3 months. Totally achievable. So I need to get the use out of these jarmies before they’re too big for me.

I’ll hold on to them and keep trying them to check my progress.

H xx

Your inner voice

I’ve seen a lot on the Internet about listening to your inner voice, “listen to your inner voice”, “Your inner voice will tell you what to do” etc But I have a theory that you have two inner voices.

Take this morning. I’ve mapped out on a little timetable when I am going to do my work outs at home. My workouts with my PT are easy, they are scheduled in and apart from norovirus or possibly death, there is no getting out of them. But for a few months I’ve been struggling to do my home workouts. When I was teaching, I had a timetable, everything was structured and I planned in my workouts. I just did them, because I was so short on time, if I stopped and thought about it I’d have put it off.

Now I’m a stay at home mum, I weirdly have more time but equally more opportunity to put things off because my inner voice has been telling me “oh I’m feeling crappy/Alexander has woken 1 billion times, I’m too tired/I’ve done the school run thats enough for 1 day , I’ll do my workout tomorrow” and before you know it a whole week has passed. So I’ve had to timetable the workouts in but the issue is sticking to it.

For months my inner voice has said “screw the timetable, you’re a stay at home mum, just do it another day!”

But this morning it was 5.30am and I laid in bed listening to the pouring rain, I knew it was cold. But my other inner voice finally shouted loud enough “If you skip this one, you won’t get started this week, suck it up, haul your ass outta bed and get this shit done!” (Sorry mum, it was my inner voice that swore, not me!)

And for the first time in a year I finally listened to my other inner voice and got out of bed. I was in the garden at 6am. It was cold, dark, wet but I was there doing my thing (and feeling slightly nauseous LOL)

So my point is, you have 2 inner voices, but which one are you prepared to listen to? The one who will tell you what to do for a comfy, easy life or the one who knows truly what is best for you?

H x


That’s what I’m talking about. First post-Christmas training sesh. First sesh where I have genuinely felt like I’m back in the game.


It has taken a year, an actual year to be mentally ready.

Tonight I had my best session in about 2 years, I’m not even exaggerating.

I talked last night about being ready, how I thought I was ready but I wasn’t. I’ve spent the past 12 months frustrated at myself, annoyed at not losing the weight, annoyed at not making progress, doubting everything. Frustrated that I wasn’t working at a level I know I am capable of. See I have the advantage this time, I KNOW what I can achieve, I KNOW I can push myself beyond what I thought I was capable of. But I’ll be honest I was beginning to doubt I could do it again. I even considered jacking it in and trying one the mainstream diet plans.

But I know what works. I know clean eating, good healthy proper cooking, the odd treat and a shit load of fitness works, I’ve done it before and after tonight’s session I know, I can  get back to and exceed where I was before.

It won’t be easy, I know that but finally I’m ready to tackle it head on.

Tonight’s session I was hot, sweaty and by god I was only working at 60% max, imagine what I can do if I push to 100%!


H x

Are you ready???

Ok, time to be honest. It has been a year since I started back training. It has been a long hard slog of ups and downs (mostly downs) Pre-pregnancy I was proper in to fitness, I was going to the gym 5 times a week, sometimes even 6. I was all over eating clean and paleo recipes. It was all good.

Then I got pregnant. That was ok. I carried on training, ok not to the same intensity but the desire was there. And then postpartum happened.

A horrible labour, followed by an emergency CSection, followed by a stupidly slow recovery (well it is major surgery, as EVERYONE kept reminding me) and a Cows Milk Protein Intolerant, refluxing baby all lead to a generally crappy time.

Then add on quitting my job, which yes I wanted to do, but I’d fallen out of love with teaching but don’t underestimate how difficult it is to leave a job you once loved, that you thought you’d be doing till retirement. Think of it as like ending a long term relationship with someone you love but are no longer in love with.

Then selling the house, and the stress that comes with moving to a new city etc

“Just get back training, and it will all come good” I told myself. But it didn’t. I’ve had a year of messing about, not focussing and generally not being the person I know I can be. The fact is, I wasn’t ready.

I’ve talked before in a post at the very start of this blog about why previous attempts at losing weight/getting fit didn’t work. The fact is you need to be ready. Mentally. You can stand there and tell yourself as many times as you like “I need to lose weight, I need to eat better, I need to go to the gym” etc, you can tell yourself you are ready till you are blue in the face but the fact is sometimes it just isn’t the right time. And I’m not on about making excuses “Oh i’m too busy, I’ve too much going on” etc

This is super hard to explain but at the risk of sounding like a total dickhead, the planets need to align. It isn’t anything you can put your finger on, there isn’t anything you can do to make yourself ready.

So the fact is, I’ve not been ready. I’ve been telling myself I was ready. But something wasn’t clicking and I couldn’t make it click, no matter how much I wanted it to.

I see this quote a lot on motivational pinterest boards.


I’ll tell you now, it is bullshit. I’ve been there. I’ve stood in shop changing rooms crying my eyes out because I can’t find anything to wear to a friends wedding. When I was a teacher, I didn’t go to Y11 prom because I hated the way I looked and could stand the thought of standing next to all the pretty, slim, younger teachers. I’ve been the mum on the school run, sweating profusely having pushed the buggy at full speed because yet again we’re running late because yet again Imogen forgot her water bottle!

Sadness, humiliation, physical ailments, you name it, I’ve done it. Yet it hasn’t made me want to change.

So this time last year, I thought I was ready, I really wasn’t.

Am I ready now? I think so. What has changed? Nothing as far as I can work out. But the planets have aligned. I’m ready to feel uncomfortable. (Pah who am I kidding, past experience tells me this is going to hurt, a lot!) I’m ready to stop eating crap food.

What do I have in my favour this time? I’ve done it before. So I know I’ve got the capacity. Last time, it just happened. I couldn’t pinpoint why, it just did, there was no concious thought. I just told myself Jason wouldn’t make me do anything that might make me die (pass out, maybe, vomit, most likely but not die). I just took a deep breath and trusted it would all be ok and it would work.

And that is the point I am at now. I just need to take a deep breath, accept it might hurt, but it won’t kill me. I need to just suck it up and let it happen.

So here goes nothing.

Tomorrow I will do my starting point photos, measurements etc and do you know what? I’m gonna post em on here (don’t worry mum I won’t use pics of me in my shorts and sports bra) but I do want people to see my starting point. I’m not some super-slim gym bunny that only drinks protein shakes. I am an average woman, married, 2 kids, starting to train for a new job, nothing out of the ordinary. If I can do it, anyone can.

H xx