So yesterday the picture on the left popped up in my Timehop. Wow, 3 whole years since I first stepped in to the actual gym at DW Barnsley and had a free taster session with a PT with absolutely no intention of signing up.
And do you know what, to look at me now you would think I haven’t made much progress. I mean I am probably around the same weight that I was back then. My hair is dreadful, skin is not great, my bum is too big, my thighs wobble and don’t even get me started on my ridiculous stomach. I lost loads of weight, toned up, then got pregnant and gained pretty much all the weight back etc.
But you know what? I have made more progress than you’ll ever know. Roll back three years, when I shuffled in to that gym PT taster session and I didn’t want to make eye contact with anyone. Ridiculous really, a teacher, who stood in front of kids day in day out, gave presentations to staff and parents without batting an eyelid, did not want to make eye contact or engage with people. Self esteem rock bottom. We all know I had NOOOOOOOOOO intention of signing up to training with a PT.
Two questions I get asked the most are “what made you sign up?” and “How come you’ve stuck with it?”. I’ll be honest with you (as I like to think this blog is an honest account of my journey, the good, bad and downright ugly bits) I don’t actually know! I don’t know why 3 years ago I suddenly went from “I’m just here because its free, I don’t want to sign up” to “oh go on then, maybe 4 weeks” to ” yeah come on, lets do this” to “you want me to do outdoor training? oh alright then”. I can’t pin point why, I literally can not tell you why I said yes to a free trial, why I decided to sign up for 4 weeks, then another 4 weeks and so on. I can’t tell you why I’ve stuck it. It isn’t easy and it isn’t always fun. Sometimes you feel like shite, like you’re not progressing, like you’re putting yourself through torture and yet there is something strangely addictive about it. I do love training. I love making progress and doing things I thought I couldn’t do or would never do. Doing things I’ve always told myself “oh that’s not for you, you’re too unfit/fat” The outdoor training has put a whole new level of ‘hard’ on top. And to be honest, I have struggled, it has taken me far longer to get back to a point where I am loving training again. I’ve come very close to jacking it in, but I’ve stuck with it and come out the other side, I think! Because I know, no matter how hard it is or how shocking I feel I can get results. I’ve been there and I’ll get there again.
And yes I’ve gained a lot of weight, whilst pregnant and after the boy was born BUT I tell you what, my fitness isn’t any where near as bad as it was when I started training 3 years ago. I can swing a kettlebell with the best of them, I can deadlift, I can squat, I’m getting there with clean & press.
So the usual measure is weight, everyone asks how much weight you’ve lost and I know I’ve some work to do there, so here is my progress.
- I can swing a kettlebell properly
- I can do the school run without stopping (sounds daft but was defo not the case back in September!)
- I can farmers walk 32kg up and down my garden without having to keep putting the kettlebells down
- I can cook amazing, nutritious meals
- I’ve done a bit of running, ok like the tiniest amount but that is huge for me!
- I’ve learnt to not beat myself up so much when I slip up
- I’ve learnt not to be bothered by the scales
- I’ve learnt I can exercise in any space and I don’t give a crap what people think, whether that is in a gym or outside
So yeah I might not be there weight wise or aesthetically speaking but I am making progress and I will get there again.
So happy anniversary to me and congratulations to my PT/coach/yoda for putting up with me LOL.