No I don’t mean I am doing limbo. But I am stuck in fitness limbo.
I am at a point where I have gained a lot of weight. I knew I’d put on some during pregnancy but this is something else! I can tell (aside from the obvious numbers on the scales) I have got a cough, Im using my inhalers more, the cough is there for no apparent reason and I am sure it will go as soon as I start getting fitter again. My joints hurt, my knees in particular. My heels also hurt, I’m sure from the pressure of walking to and from school every day. My clothes look rubbish. I feel generally uncomfortable in my own skin and lethargic.
I am consoling myself that whilst I am not hammering my fitness yet (approx 2 more weeks to go) I am swimming 2 -3 times a week and walking every day, which is considerably more exercise than after I had Imogen.
Food wise I am struggling. Not because I don’t want to eat properly but it is timing. When you have a baby who is suffering with reflux and dairy allergy, it is difficult. You end up going for the quick and easy fix. If I have a narrow window of 10 mins to prepare AND eat my lunch I need convenience food, stuff I can just ram in quickly. I have tried to bulk cook at the weekend but I am knackered and it literally means I spend all weekend in the kitchen, when actually I need to be out of the house doing stuff with Imogen and Christopher etc.
I know, and here is the biggy, that I am comfort eating too. This is what is frustrating me the most. I KNOW sugar and crap fats are not the answer, I know they will give me a spike but then I drop quickly, requiring more sugar and crap fats to keep me high, it is a perpetual cycle. I KNOW I’d be better off eating fruit, nuts, seeds etc but christ it is hard to break the cycle. I feel like a drug user, constantly craving that high, knowing it is no good for me but atm the craving is outweighing what I know I should do.
I’m not daft but atm my stress levels are through the roof and this time last year I found eating clean/paleo easy because I was venting my stress by exercising hard in the gym. When I think back to this time last year I was using the squat rack, attempting man push ups, having a bash at Romanian deadlifts, sumo squats with kettlebells, dumbbell thrusters etc that was my way of releasing the stress, the healthy eating then became easy. At the moment I don’t have that level of release. The only thing I am consoling myself if at least by exercising a little bit and eat some clean/paleo meals, I am in a slightly better position than after I had Imogen and I am not getting even worse.
So you see I feel like I am waiting for December, I feel like I am stuck in this limbo and once I start releasing the stress through some proper hard work in terms of my exercise, then the eating will become easier and my reliance on sugar and crap fats will reduce.
Well, that’s what I am hoping will happen!