When people get pregnant, they often take photos of themselves and their ever expanding bumps. When they have their baby they often as a new family hire a photographer to capture some lovely snaps of the new mummy, daddy and bambino.
If you look through my photographs you will find no photographs of me from my first pregnancy and we certainly never had a family photoshoot. Why? Because of my weight. Literally, these were photos I wanted to take/have taken and never bothered for the one simple fact that I knew I would hate what I saw. There are plenty of photos of Imogen and Christopher, but very few of me & Imogen and of all 3 of us, particularly when she was very tiny. And the more I think about that, the more it makes me sad. Sad that I haven’t captured that, sad that I would let something as ridiculous as my weight and the way I looked put me off doing things.
Last weekend I managed to book a family photo session with the very lovely Lyndsay Brown for me Christopher, Imogen and my parents. And whilst I look bigger than I’d like at the moment (most of it bambino number 2 although not all!) I can honestly say it is the first time I have felt good enough about myself to risk having pictures taken. I am still quite concerned about how said photos of me will look but I genuinely felt I didn’t “need” to put it off any longer.
Self esteem is a bugger, it messes with your head. Personal training has given me much better self esteem. Not perfect, but definitely better.