Feeling really weak willed at the moment.
Just over 2 weeks ago Jason set me a 10 day challenge (see my previous post). Eat clean/paleo for 10 days no cheating and I managed it. No fuss, no bother. I like eating clean/paleo, I saw some quick results. All good.
Last Saturday he phoned me and set the same challenge. 10 days, eat clean/paleo. No problem I thought. That will take me up to Christmas nicely, I can enjoy Christmas then back on it in January.
It was all going well till yesterday. Something went wrong at 12.30. At 12.30 our Y11s came out of our mock exam. As a dept we had to standardise our marking before Christmas. There were sweets. I ate sweets. With zero willpower I ate some chocolates, haribo and a bloody twix flapjack!
Then it got worse. At the end of term the canteen staff make buffet for all the staff and we get together eat, drink, be merry etc. I never intended to have any buffet. I’d eaten my lunch, I didn’t need more food. But for some reason someone handed me a plate and I cracked. Samosas, spring rolls, mini sausages, sausage rolls. I didn’t particularly enjoy the food and I felt pretty guilty.
I went to the gym. I did my circuits. That was all fine (apart from a bit of pain) and then I saw Jason to arrange some sessions for January. I confessed my sins (well to the buffet bit, I d forgotten about the standardising sweets oops!). I’d not stuck to the challenge. Jason has a very good way of saying “You don’t need me to tell you…” It’s in the same vein as when your parents say “It’s only yourself you’ve let down”. The guilt factor is incredible!
So I went home feeling pretty disappointed in myself. But then I top trumped the whole thing by ordering a pizza. FFS! This was a feeling I’ve not had for a while.The whole, oh well I’ve f**ked the day up now anyway, I might as well go the whole hog. Dangerous feelings.
I can rescue it as long as today I don’t descend in to the whole “oh well I’ve f**ked the week up now I might as well have xyz”
So back on it today. I ‘m intending to now eat clean till Christmas day. My own mini challenge if you like.
When will I learn!? I’ve got no issue of eating non clean for a special treat etc but yesterday was pure, unadulterated eating s**t for the sake of it. Honestly, I am such a numpty sometimes.