I’m not a quitter, I’m not a quitter, I’m not a quitter…

Oh. My. Days.

I had a funny feeling today’s PT session would be tough. I’m absolutely knackered. For a variety of reasons this week I have been averaging about 4/5 hrs sleep a night. It really isn’t enough. I’ve also had a 6 hour teaching day which was exhausting, plus my RSI is playing up a lot today,  on top of a whole bunch of other issues this week that I won’t bore you with here.

So I knew it would be tough. If I’m honest I’d been feeling a bit uneasy and nervous about it all day.

I went, and Jason announced that I’d be doing the vile new circuit but he was upping the vileness by increasing it to 20 reps. 20 reps, only 5 more reps than last week, doesn’t sound like much does it? Even then I was still thinking ok this will be tough but I can do it.

But then something went a tad off course, I didn’t anticipate quite how much the fat girl voices in my head would get to me today. I don’t know if I’m just tired or in that frame of mind but Christ on a bike, every single bloody rep was a struggle. At one point in the 2nd circuit I had to walk away. I was very close to saying “screw this, I’m not doing it anymore, cancel my direct debit, I’ll stick with being a fatty”. I don’t think I’ve EVER felt that close to quitting in 7 months. I didn’t though, I went back and I carried on. I think I even had a little cry at some point (I’m such a bloody wuss!) There was a couple of times I was hearing myself say “I can’t do this”, Jason gave me the option to skip burpees etc Well he said he did, I think he had no intention of letting me skip anything and he knew I wouldn’t want to skip things or I’d be mad at myself. And that I guess is the difference. 7 months ago I’d have quite happily skipped things. Now I don’t want to skip things. I don’t want to be a loser, I WANT to keep going, I WANT to push myself.

But today was hard, really hard. Probably more mentally than physically. Don’t get me wrong physically it hurt! But mentally it hurt more. I feel a bit like my confidence has been knocked a little. I’ll bounce back and crack on again on Sunday but for now I’m feeling a bit sorry for myself 😦 So I’m off to cheer myself up by watching Z List celebs eat kangaroo knackers. I have a ton of school work to do but my RSI is telling me I need a break. It’ll keep.

H x

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